too much time

so much time has passed, now that I look back.

so much time has passed that I don’t even remember the things we used to do…

the things that I missed so much for so long;

my heart used to drop and sink every time I thought of our past

but now, I don’t even miss it anymore.

the places painted with our memories don’t have any meaning now

and I don’t talk the same way anymore,

just the way I don’t remember your voice..

I don’t say the things I used to say or make the same jokes,

not because I’m sad,

but because it’s been so long.

they’ve evolved –into new mannerisms and new punchlines, new laughters..

they’re not even funny anymore.

it’s been so long that I can’t remember all the memories that used to haunt me every day for the six, insufferable months that dragged on like six, endless years.

it’s been so long that I can’t remember the how happy you made me, even if I wanted to.

before, I could list out the things you did that made me smile until I ran out of fingers to count on,

but now I can’t even name three.

it took forever,

and I’m okay now,

but I have reason to believe that you’re not.

this would make me sad…that you can’t move on,

but I think you’re fine.

maybe you don’t know..

you probably don’t know, but you’ve already moved on

–it’s just that you haven’t caught up to it.

I bet you hold her and kiss her,

you smile and she smiles;

but in the end, are you happy?

how does it feel to be stuck in the past? because I think I know.

it hurts like hell.

it fucking hurts.

I don’t want revenge

because that means I’m still hurting.

maybe I am,

maybe I still care..

but not like I used to..

–it’s faint now.

faint like our memories,

faint like the past

because too much time has passed…

too much time has passed, and I can’t even make myself miss it if I wanted to.