what if one day you looked into the horizon and saw that the place where the sky met the earth was blurred?
would you doubt everything you’ve ever taken for granted?
what would reality become?

you wouldnt be able to distinguish sky from earth, truth from lies.
you’d be at a complete loss and would never be able to trust anything anymore

sometimes it’s just better not to question reality…you might find out something that contradicts every established fact that you’ve taken for granted so far

everything you’ve trusted will merge together and become an unruly mess



Fire and us human beings have a lot in common.

We both need oxygen to prosper,
And we’ll fight for it so that we don’t die out

Somehow we tend to lose control and become unpredictable forces of destruction that grab onto whatever will give us strength

We are stubborn and obdurate in our nature which make us susceptible to our own flaws, just like fire.

Fire can burn out on its own…right?
Somewhat like how humans comitt suicide
Or is that too far of a stretch….


Oh well


Anyways, I love watching fire…
It’s liberating to look at the way the flames flare into every direction.

It’s almost as if I’m watching the frustration inside me die out in another form…


The heat pulls me in closer and the falling embers snow on my head like remnants of a past conflict..
They cease to matter

I like to stare into the core of the fire until I can see it behind my eyelids…

Fire is a part of us that loses control once we let off one little spark that sets it off
It burns deep inside us and keeps us going, just like oxygen.

I could’ve organized my thoughts a little better but it’s past 1am..


-els xx

Looking for light

Deep underwater,
No light.

If you go deeper,
Is there light on the other side?
Or is it an endless path of darkness and loss that’ll consume your every hopes and turn into nothing right before your eyes.

Is there hope for the lost, the blind, the confused, the ones who tread on water only to find themselves even more adrift than before…?

Pressure increases as the weight on our shoulders forces us to our knees and keeps us at the bottom.

Then we cry for help as if anyone can hear us through the muffling crowd of their own thoughts.
And even if they could, would they have any clue as to how to help..?

When do we realize that we are oblivious to our surroundings? When do we realize that we are all crying for help simultaneously therefore muting ourselves…When do we fucking realize that we’re all deaf.

We are all witnesses of helplessness yet we do not realize.

Every single day we suffer but fail to offer a hand…
Neither do we take the hand held out to us.

We unintentionally put ourselves into failure then try as hard as we can to save ourselves….

We set ourselves up for failure..

Then give up at the thought of success.


sometimes i close my eyes

sometimes i stop thinking

sometimes i drown out everything

sometimes i fall and don’t get back up

sometimes i feel insignificant, like i don’t matter

so i take a deep breath,

filling up…

until it hurts.


i stop breathing

i stop trying

just for a while…

I feel my heart slow down

every beat pounds through my chest

every beat rips through numbness

until complete desperation.

I slip away

into nonexistence

allowing myself to feel pain as it is

just pain, nothing else

to clear my mind from everything unnecessary.

no room for myself

slowly suffocating…

oxygen leaves

and so do I