williamsburg

never no clouds to be seen

air that’s cold and clean

one more sleepless night

take flight

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fuck you

fuck.you.

fuck you for abandoning me,

fuck you for neglecting me,

fuck you for making me feel invisible,

fuck you for saying things, KNOWING that i’d get upset,

fuck you for being selfish,

fuck you for patronizing me,

fuck you for looking down on me,

fuck you for stepping on my pride,

fuck you for making me lose myself,

fuck you for making me not feel like myself,

fuck you for driving me to the point of insanity,

fuck you for making me fake my happiness because I can’t find it anymore,

fuck you for igniting my fiery hell of depression,

fuck you for making me cry,

fuck you for making me feel uncontrollable, 

fuck you for turning me into a monster,

fuck you for making me feel ugly,

fuck you for making me small,

fuck you for making me feel helpless,

fuck you for being a fucking bitch,

fuck you for taking his side after you ALWAYS fucking said I was first,

fuck you for being a sadistic liar,

fuck you for pretending to be anything but evil,

fuck you for turning your back on me,

fuck you for making me an angry person,

fuck you for always consciously playing with my emotions,

fuck you for making me feel weak,

fuck you for constantly trying to remind me that I’m less than you,

fuck you for thinking you’re better,

fuck you for making me submissive,

fuck you for changing who i am,

fuck you for taking everything away from me,

fuck you because you think nothing of this situation,

fuck you for thinking you’re so mature,

fuck you for making me have to thank you for something that is supposed to be obvious in a friendship,

fuck you for yelling at me,

fuck you for making me want to forget everything….

forget, erase, not remember,

in ANY way possible.

but most importantly, fuck you because after everything,.. you guys have each other,

and i have nothing.

fate and its evil workings

When you can see it ending, why even bother trying?
I. dont. know.
All I know right now is that the feeling’s mutual but time is limited.

Funny how fate works in the most inconvenient ways. Something finally decides to work out and of course it has to happen at the very last moment when I simply just do not have time. 

How do you even begin to commit to something that has a definite and inescapable ending?
I guess since I’m already wayyyy too emotionally invested, I’ve set myself up for heartbreak and disappointment once again. The most pathetic thing about this situation is that I can’t even find the courage to stop nor do I want to end this “relationship.” Somehow, I want to make this work and it’s just so hard to let go because he really makes me happy. He makes me happy.

He makes me HAPPY… .

…He makes me happy but he also makes me feel hopeless.

Like I said, fate can be a pain in the ass.
right Joseph?